PhObiA

I am PHOBIA of FAILURES

I will never tun back
I am afraid of failures
I am scared of failures
I am hate of failures
I dont want to be a failures
I dont want to be a loser
ANYMORE

L . i . s . t . e . n [ 2 ] E . H

songs of EH reminds me
where i am nothing
only depends on biggest dream
yet I am still hoping and depends on my dream
but with a pinch of achievement

now I know what is wrong and what is right for me
I already start to realise
It is not that easy to achieve
and It is also not impossible to grab

I'd tried my best to prove
that I am not old-April
I am new one
I am new April

congrates April~
L.o.Ideas

I dun wanna noe

Me just back from Kedah
tiring but happy back home
not sleepy anymore
borrow my BSF's laptop
open website
dunno when I am going to start study for next sem
as MSK's..

...............

the day had passing by
but I am still doing nothing
waking up late
do the same thing

I stared at the sun
but the sun with a angry face look back at me
so,I wish for a falling rain
so that I will feel more much better
but the heavy rain blast me cruely

oh,thank God,It is juz a tots

I Am ZERO

sometimes I dunno who I am
why am I here
why am I still here

sometimes I easily got confused
why am I here
and why am I still here

sometimes I dunno how my future might be
why am I here
why am I still here

sometimes I cry
but nobody here
and give me a hug

sometimes I flashback my memory when I used to have a nice dream but...
it is all gone..
but..(sigh**)

just a piece of space

I am
still here
still the same
the quote ' everybody changing ' is not for me
so far i travel along my line of life

i am
still who i am before
i just do not know how to change myself

because i just wanna be me
so stop blaming me
if i am not like what you expect me to be
because i donno how to become what you want
and i am tired of waiting
and i will stop waiting
because i am just a girl and zero

I will NEVER make them upset anymore !!

You're Not SORRY

All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances
Everytime and all you do is let me down
And it's taken me this long
Baby but I've figured you out
And you thinking we'll be fine again
But not this time around

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't want to hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby Like I did before
You're not sorry
No, no, no, no

Looking so innocent
I might believe you
If I didn't know
Could have loved you all my life
If you had'nt left me waiting In the cold
And you've got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen'Cause it's worked each time before

But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't want to hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby Like I did before
You're not sorry
No, no, oh
You're not sorry
No, no, oh

You had me crawling for you honey
And it never would have gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby Like I did beforeYou're not sorry
No, no, oh
You're not sorry
No, no, oh...

Millionaire Blues

I recently paid a visit to a Millionaire's house , and ended up not having anything to drink despite the offer. Below is how the offer was made to Me :

Question : " What would You like to have.....Fruit juice , Soda , tea , Chocolate , Milo , or Coffee ?? "
Answer : " Tea , please . "
Question : " Ceylon tea , Herbal tea , Bush tea , Honey Bush tea , Ice tea , Green tea ?? "
Answer : " Ceylon tea . "
Question : " How would You like it ?? Black or White ?? "
Answer : " White . "
Question : " Milk , Whitener or Condensed Milk ?? "
Answer : " With milk . "
Question : " Goat milk , Camel milk or Cow milk ?? "
Answer : " With cow milk , please . "
Question : " Milk from Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow ?? "
Answer : " Uhmm ?? I will take it black . "
Question : " Would You like it with Sweetener , Sugar or Honey ?? "
Answer : " With sugar . "
Question : " Beet sugar or Cane sugar ?? "
Answer : " Cane sugar . "
Question : " White , Brown or Yellow sugar ?? "
Answer : " Arrgh !! Forget about the tea , just give Me a glass of water instead . "
Question : " Mineral or Plain water ?? "
Answer : " Mineral water . "
Question : " Flavoured or Non-flavoured ?? "
Answer : " Gee !! I give up . Just forget about everything . "

MULTIcultural MALAYSIA

Kring.....
Wake up everyone
It's already morning
Hey , today is Hari Raya Day !!

Come on , wear Your " Baju Kurung ",
not to forget Your " Tudung ",
bring out the " Rendang "'
and where's the " Lemang " ??

wait for Your guest

and carry that tray
Kids !! Watch out where You play
because You can make that tray
fly itself away

Oh , lights everywhere !!
what happened here ??
was there a fire ??

that's Deepavali
They have " Tosai " and " Chapati "
" Amble " and " Pomble "
wearing " Dhoti " and " Sari "
" Qoil Ke Pore " the say " Patty "

Gong Xi Ni !! Gong Xi Ni !!
" Lai La , Cho Tai Sin "
" Lei Hou Leng "
how's My " Cheongsam " ??
that's expensive I guess
yup !! and here I am
gather up everyone !!
at the round table in front
Girls carry the food out !!
chopsticks , spoons , and also soup
Kids are waiting for " Popo's ang bao "
while guests are serve with " limau "

Let Us !!
the Young generation
be proud of this country
and it's multicultural harmony
LOVE You MALAYSIA
Salam 1 MALAYSIA !!
hehe =p

FAILure

Failure doesnt mean You've to give up,
It means You should try harder.

Failure doesnt mean You're failure,
It means You havent succeeded yet.

Failure doesnt mean You havent accomplished something,
It means You have learnt something.

Failure doesnt mean You've been a fool,
It means You have a lot of faith.

Failure doesnt mean You've been disgraced,
It means You were willing to try.

Failuredoesnt mean You dont have it,
It means You have to do something in a different way.

Failure doesnt mean You're inferior,
It means You're not perfect.

Failure doesnt mean You've waste Your time,
It means You have a reason to start fresh.

Failure doesnt mean You'll never make it,
It means it will take a little longer.

Failure doesnt mean GOD has abandoned You,
It means he has a better way.

I . F [ o n e ] D . A . Y

If one day You feel like crying , call Me

I do not promise that I will make You laugh

but I can cry with You.

If one day You feel like running away

don't be afraid to call Me

I wont promise to ask You to stop

but I might run with You.

If one day You call , and there is no answer

Hurry , come and look for Me

perhaps , I may not be around anymore.

P i n k O f H e a l t h

He*
My Eternal Lover..

He*
My Hero..

He*
My Everything..

* I love U Atuk *

Far but Near

Kuala Ketil,Kedah

1st Ramadhan at My Friend house, Ina..
It was so nice and calm to stay there far from busiest day of my life..
hehe~busy ?? Me ?? so funny..
first tyme when we ( Ina , Far and Me ) arrived,we are late..all dark-dark..cant see a thing..

bla..bla..bla..

PLEASE hug ME

2day, met My BFF at JJ..
miss her sow much~
hear juiciest gossip from her..
talk,talk,talk..

then went to Romp..
wanna buy black skinny slack..
what ??
only MYR 39.90
MUST grab grab grab..

2molo,plan wanna buy high heels..
hehe~Me N High heels ??
fuh..sure lyke tiang 1~

back home but My BSF wasnt here..
haiz~no meaning back home liao lo..
but I can peluk-cium My Parents N My Brothers..
except u lo..

when u back home..i cant back home..
when i back home..u cant back home..
how come a ??
haiz..sot sot liao~

but diz 13 can meet u..
come visit me at Kedah..
hooray~
cant wait to hug ur tummy!!
kih kih kih..
dun mad at me oh~=p

Me Noe Dat U Dont Need Me

no need to search for it..
it will comes to you naturally without you expected..
times might lead you..
you just have to wait patiently and see clearly with your open heart..
that is what shes keep telling me..
okay, i will listen to her..

two minutes later,
i start to realise that i dont need it..
i keep whisper to Bearbear continuously..
but my heart hurts even deeper..
my heart cry loudly and tears start to fall..

only . I . know

sweet and bitter..
i have to be strong though it is tiring and need a very high patient..
sometimes we kinda lost in the middle of the world..
jump into another group of missing and lack of moral communication..
argue to fight for the rights..
make a big gap between right and wrong..

different languages and different countries..
making bias action..
arrogant is our pride..
show off is our personality..
talking crap is our behaviour..

shut your mouth and put your face away..
stupid judgement and bad breath mouth wont make u respected person among us..
steping on your face is the best way to hide your shameful attitude..
haizzzzzzzzzzzzz....

* blasting balloon * fuh.. I am okies~

My Memory

My memory..

I remember everything..

I can see even a little thing..

When I close My eyes..

You are far away..

Somewhere that I cant reach..

I didnt say that I love You..

or I will wait for You..

I really didnt imagine..

meeting You again..

I still love You ,

I confess to You now..

I wanna love You forever..

If it is not late..

Forever with Me..

Eventhough ,

My heart lived without You for a long time..

You still were in My heart..

time is ticking

hey hey..
I am here..
Remaining time : 00:06
now me at Library..
study ??
emm not..
do a bit assignment..
hehe..
miss my parents n my siblings liao lo..
cant wait to meet them..
but dun hv any long-holiday..
huhu..
so Raya baru balik ma..

haiz~wat to do..
wait n see jor..

gud bye

I am going !!

bz packing~huhu T_T

H O P E p r a y D O

yay,i'm in excellent level..
for today..
tomorrow still a mistery..
I hope that i can manage to handle it by myself..
Appa,Omma..waaaaa,so scared !!
April,you can ..

need to eat a lot today
need to gain energy
supply for tomorrow
hwaiting !! (n_n)

[ DON'T ] Leave Me Alone

I dont want to let you go
I dont want to miss a thing about you
I want to be the first to know
I want to be your number 1 fan

but my small little voice always whispered to my inner ears
that you are not mine
and we are not meant to be together

I slowly wiped my tears
and closed my ears with my both palm
so that i became deaf for a second from that small little voice
and my mouth keep denied all that
and start tried hardly to carved a smiled
even It may look fake
i feel relieved afterall

closed pair of my eyes tightly
and hope that i will end up dream bout you
as my prince charming

D . L n D . T

what you need is just pay attention and take it serious
be matured

spread your wing

You can fly

You got to fly sky high April !!

You Are My [ STAR ] I Am Your No.1 [ FAN ]

Oh !

i know i can't have you

but you're always in my head

even though i can't touch you

it's just wishful thinking

i can't say it

watching from far away

You know I do

i love you

even though you don't know who i am

Oh baby don't you know

you dont know my name

i couldnt sleep because i was thinking of you

Oh so beautiful grasping the photo i took of you in my hand

my love for you is buried under the world's love for you

you're not listening i will never be allowed to

in the next life we would live separate lives

i want you so much i can't go back

thoughts of kissing you tonight,i hold my pillow tighter

today would be the first time we met

you say that to everybody you meet

i always talk to you with your back facing me

even the familiar 'hi' seems so awkward today

if we blocked everybody's ears

i'm hoping you would listen to only

what i had to say

seeing you walk away makes me go into a trance state shake me from it from far away you become a dot

where can i see you (tell me)

Oh!

i know i can't have you

but you're in my head

even though you don't know who i am

why aren't you smiling today

i hope nothing's wrong

i can't face to look at your worried face

i wish i could take your pain away. but i can't

and that saddens me

just today - if i ask you how you are doing

would you answer me - hug me

i can't reach you, touch you, hold you

i'm going to meet you in my dreams again tonight

even in my dreams people disapprove

they say i'm crazy - if i erase the world

that makes you mine.

why would i lose you to anybody else

No, i can never understand that.

i'll make it so that you'll only look at me

i'll give you everything when we kiss i'll give you everything

so that you can never leave me. i'll keep you in my cold heart

You are My star,

I'm your no.1 fan

Baby please take my hand

Boys N girls who have fallen in psychotic love say oh, oh oh!

Boys N girls who have fallen in idiotic love say oh, oh, oh!

Boys N girls who have fallen in hopeless love say oh, oh , oh!

Boys N girls who have fallen in love like mine say oh, oh, oh!

Even if you don't know who I am

[ S h e ] B . L . U . E [ H e ] G . A . Y

She looks so BLUE [apawa]

He looks so GAY [haengbok]

WHY IS IT ??

probably,

SHE is MISSING HE

but

HE dont know about SHE's feeling

towards

HE

ps/ I mich U 6294746..mich U sow much !! mayb U dunno

( Naega Nugunjineun Molado ) ~

[ sarang-hae Dong Wook Oppa ]

Music's Background- Avril Lavigne : When Your Gone

L . I . G . H . T . B . U . L . B

You brighten My day just like a biggest lightbulb
You make Me smile just like watching a romantic soap
You make Me laugh out loud just like seeing a clown performing

You make Me crying just like tears by cutting an red onion

T y m e - 2 - F l y

In a moment everything can change
Feel the wind on your shoulder
For a minute all the world can wait
Let go of your yesterday

Can you hear it calling ??
Can you feel it in your soul ??
Can you trust its longing and take control ??

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life
And start to try
'Cause it's your time
Time to fly

All your worries, leave them somewhere else
Find a dream you can follow
Reach for something when there's nothing else
And the world's feeling hollow

And when you're down and feel alone,Just want to run away
Trust yourself and don't give up
You know you better than anyone else

~ FLY WHILE U STILL CAN ~

music's background-Darin Zanyar : Be What You Wanna Be

Sakura Para-Para Dazs

almost paradise
brighter than the morning
is your love coming towards me
it's as though i have the whole world
in my life
like a dream in my tired life
if only it is you, who came to me, that i can love forever

holding your hand, yell to the world with all my might
walking the skies, i promise to love only you forever
the paradise that unfolded in our dreams
i can go anywhere if it's with you, to the my paradise

forget the pain and the times of suffering you've had
it's the start now, together with you
we're going to take off, running
loving you forever

almost paradise
warmer than the sun
are your eyes that are looking at me
it's as though i have the whole world

in my life
like a light in my tired life
if only i can cherish forever the love you gave to me

you are all of my love
you are all of my life
hanging all i have on the line
i love you

like the blue ocean is our wonderful paradise
i can go anywhere if it's with you, to the my paradise

your smile is like one of an angel
in our filled paradise
i'm going to fill it with the flowers that are just for you

if only i can love you forever

ps / yummy2,eat tasty and smelly Duran Duran just now..hehe~=p listen to U-Tube song called Come Over by Natsun featuring Tiffany !! hey,such a funny and chicky song..' Ngolo Ngolo Ngolo Ngolo Wah Wah Wah ~~~ ' =p

background's music : Natsun feat Tiffany - Come Over

C l o u d N R a i n b o w

i believe that there are somethings hidden over the cloud and amazing rainbow..
yes, now i believe..
it is called as our destiny and our fate..
yes, now i believe..
because i do feel it..

[ goodbye ] J . U . N . E [ h i ] J . U . L . Y

oh,my adrenaline hormone secreted in a large amount in my body just now..
when i searched to a dot-dot website..
one of my friends got asked me to do so,so i'd to do it..
i'd found out that i have been accepted to dot-dot application..

am i supposed to feel happy ??
or am i supposed to feel bad about myself ??

hehe,such a lame question..of couse i am happy !!
thank GOD,really feel good about myself right now..

i have to forget about JUNE
and i have to learnt to love from now on JULY

tata, AS120 !! I am gonna miss you though ~

ps/ i will always love and adore you,AS120 even we just been dating almost 2years in secondary school and 6years in primary school (i'm not sure have we been met each other in kindergarten)..sorry AC110,i dont even know you~i dont even interested to know you more deeply..but finally,i have to make a risky decision by choosing you as my newly soul-mate..huhu !! T_T I have to because i have no choice~

background music : Never Be Replaced by First Lady

(red) STOP CRY (yellow) GET READY TO FLY (green) FLY HAPPILY

dont be sad my honey !!

sometimes,I tried to wipe away all your tears by a sincere humor jokes..eventhough it is cheapest things in this world but only that i can afford..

sometimes,I tried to kiss your eyes and exchanged your heart so that you will forget everything and start to smile even it is just a impossible thoughts..

I-AM : usually when I walked alone,I would like to walking faster so that i could reached to the place quicker..

U-NOE-WHO : umm,so let walking faster like you usually do..

I-AM : emm,dont want..I wished I could stop the ticking of time so that I could having and spending my quality time with you more..so,walking faster when I am with You ?? oh NO !!

U-NOE-WHO : ..........( smile )

ps/ My tooth (upper jaws) is really painfull..went to dentist this afternoon with My lovely Sis along..nway,nice chicken+vegetroubles soup~I lovin' it !! =p thanxz cook 4 Me..hehe ~=p so soupilicious !! I still remembered that tyme,masuk kitchen..ya la,ingat wanna helping cooking and with the chores but turn to miserably-trouble-clumsy when got sumtin' turns fall apart..the cooking oil was spilled down and messed here N there~hehe!!=p sounds funny but difficult to handle with to lap sini la lap sana la..sangat selekeh~=p then,yesterday masuk kitchen suddenly potato .......thank GOD,does not split and mashed on the floor !! so ?? wat does it mean ?? am i a good cooker ?? hehe~

music background : Paradise by T-Max

WARNING : Dun Read If U Noe Me !!

the night was slowly turns to emotionless face..
everything was dull and cliche..
just like another night..

the darkness and wideness shows all my deeper and my weary soul..
the thoughtful of my feeling was really messed and fully-filled with hatred..
used to be sacred..
where am I going to spread my story ??
to whom ??
umm..nobody want to listen and take any action..

the sounds of music was my melody of sadness..
the loudness of the songs is the strongers my sadness is..
oh,umm..nobody cares !!

the stars blinking and sometimes fade away ??
where had you go ??
sometimes , eventhough I have somebody around me..
I still feel lonely..
my heart still hurt as always..
the loneliness still here,in my heart..
sometimes,I didnt get it..
nobody try to get close to me and ask me to talk about myself..
nobody..
I had shared my story-life with nobody..
nobody seems to know me well..
and again..nobody cares !!

if you hate me or dislike me..
please dont show it..
because it is too obvious !!
and sorry,you seems like a not a good actor though !!

I am also a human..
so,treat me as a human too !!

get attention is always not my first priority in my life..
and now,still the same..
I am being truly myself !!

Her tears flooding in her eyes like a melting of ice-cream..
Her heart is fragile like a break-easily glass substances..
Her cheeks is poisoning with tears like a water fountain with water flowing through it..

Unintended N Extended

You could be my unintended

Choice to live my life extended

You could be the one I'll always love

You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions

You could be the one I'll always love

First there was the one who challenged

All my dreams and all my balance

She could never be as good as you

I'll be there as soon as I can

But Im busy mending broken pieces of the life I had

Before you

' Unintended by Muse '

p.s/this song make Me sleepy everytyme I listened to It..nways,love Matthew Bellamy voice~diz songs is Nice N Deep !! Deep ?? hehe !! =p Deep fry ?? hehe.. =p starving ryte now,smells of My Sis's cooking was terribly gooooood~~~~cant wait to eat Penne Arrabbiata !! tata Lulu,wanna help look look-see see in the kitchen..

Epik High Vs Wondergirls ??

LOL..Epik High sing Nobody by Wondergirls~ ( source : U-Tube )
terribly misseribly cool..hehe !! =p
" I WAN NOBODY NOBODY BUT CHYUUUUHHH !! "
scares Me out N almost lost My voice box coz triple funny..wakaka =p

TABLO : amazing voice..screamo~hehe !!=p ruined So Hee's part,so terribly scary..
DJ TUKUTZ : girly voice..
MITHRA JIN : cute dance..hehe~=p BIG BEAR !!

p.s/1-already look-see dat place..look a bit haunted~hehe!! kidding =p
2-currently reading a novel ' Princess in the Spotlight ' by Meg Cabot..borrow from My Sis N I plan wanna baik punya cilok coz so addictive N attractive story line~hehe !! =p such a great opening story and still not finished it up..now read page86~

H e r T h o u g h t

time is ticking..
time is running out..

could I managed to reach that climb ??

My heart is fragile..
My heart was burned and waiting for explosive..
the ashes that I would thrown them away from My naked eyes..
the wind would blow it away far from here..

oh , I know that just a view from my eyes..
I already awaken by my truthly thought..
this lovely song from caterpillars that make me still blinking..
oh , It is just my trashy thought..

lets just wait and open eyes widely..
just do it even you knew that it is tough like a [+]MAD
no turning back..
there is no turning back..

Tears Dont Fall

cant wait to further study !!

Am gonna miss a lotz of people and I can surely crying all night coz missing My Parents N My Siblings..huhu T_T

hey April,grow up !!

It Cant B Removed Lyke A Tatoo

Leave
Yeah, Finally I realize that I am nothing without you
I was so wrong, forgive me

My broken heart like a wave
My shaken heart like a wind
My heart vanished like a smoke
It can’t be removed like a tattoo
I sigh deeply as if a ground is going to cave in
Only dusts are piled up in my mind (say goodbye)

Yeah, I thought I wouldn’t be able to live even one day
without you
But somehow I managed to live on (longer) than I thought
You don’t answer anything as I cry out “I miss you”
I hope for a vain expectation but now it’s useless

What is it about that person next to you, did She make you cry ??
Dear can you even see me, did you forget completely ??
I am worried,
I feel anxiety because I can’t get close nor try to talk to you
I spend long nights by myself, erasing my thoughts a thousand times

Don’t look back and leave
Don’t find me again and live (on)
Because I have no regrets from loving you, take only the good memories
I can bear it in some way
I can stand in some way
You should be happy if you are like this
I become dull day by day

If we pass by each other on the street
Act like you didn’t see me and go the way you were walking to

If you keep thinking about our past memories
I might go look for you secretly
Always be happy with him,
(so) I won’t ever get a different mind
Even smallest regret won’t be left out ever
Please live well as if I should feel jealous
You should always be like that bright sky, like that white cloud
Yes, you should always smile like that as if nothing happened
I hope your heart feels relieved
Please forget about me and live (on)
Those tears will dry completely
As time passes by
It would’ve hurt less if we didn’t meet at all
Hope you will bury our promise of being together forever
I pray for you

ps : To My broken pink hp casing..My Abah bought It for Me but only can stand for a day~the next day,sudden terjatuh N tercabut !! hehe=p

Gee Gee Gee Gee Gee ~~~=p

this story of Mine sounds really3 funny when I thinking of It..

It is happen yesterday..
the situation :
My Mama watching teevee N sit beside My Sis
My Sis online on the couch infront of teevee
Me stand-sit ( act,I am not sure whether Iam sitting or standing at that time=p) infront of My Mama

suddenly My Sis open My blog sites N the song come out..
Me sudden acting like in the Music Video that They do It N do lips-sync of My Blog's song infront of My Mama..hehe =) I am such a silly N childish girl~
N My Mama laughing..so cutey~

My Blog's Song Girl's Generation/SNSD : Gee

(nways,what was happen to this computer-today is My 1st time using this computer after be repaired..all Epik High song sounds like dangdut version~oh NO,especially Their song called 1minute 1second..to obvious~I had problem wif diz speaker maybe..a LOT different than something that I usually heard from My Abah's laptop~hehe =p Their beat is sick~This song used to be sad N poetic but now turns to dangdut version..wakaka =p I hate diz speaker !!)

Not A Princess No Glass Slippers

Maybe it wasn't there to begin with
that fun, sad, and kind story..

Maybe it was a dream or illusion..
Maybe I slept too long..

In the season when I can feel
the smell of summer in the blue sky..
I remember a face..

The scenery of the city began to distort..
I searched for sunglasses
so I could lose all the colors..

What I wanted to be ??
Not a princess..
What I wanted to have ??
Not glass slippers..

What I wanted to be ??
I wanted to be with you..
What I wanted to have ??
Was your smiling face..

The wind and the smell of summercut through today's sky..
It's ok so I agreed
Because if it's fate like we said
then we can meet again somewhere..

la la la la la la..
It's ok so I agreed..
la la la la la la..
Because I'm so strong..

2day N ' YES ' terday

Today's happy face, today's sad face..
Yesterday's weak self, tomorrow's strong self..
If it's you, who are you showing it to ?? If it's me, who should I show it to ??

Time is sometimes a cruel thing,
but the present is made by that cruelty..

Unceasingly searching for someone, an instant of release
soon triumphs over the visiting fear..

As I don't even notice the flowers shaking before my feet,
I can't even look at myself in the mirror..

Today's happy face, today's sad face..
Yesterday's healed wounds and today's deeply opened wounds..
If it's you, who are you showing it to ?? If it's me, who should I show it to ??

The sanity and insanity that I was given and are mine only,
Both exist together without negating the other..

Futile things, spilled things, and useless things..
I'll choose with confidence, so I am of myself..

Because I have always defined happiness with my own standards..

Today's happy face, today's sad face..
Even if yesterday's healed wounds have opened today,
If it's you, who can you show it to ?? If it's me, I want to show it to that person..

L . o . l . l . i . p . o . p

I dont want My soul to be tastless like a plain water..
I dont want My soul to be sweet like a lollipop ..

I dont want My soul to be bitter like a chemical medicine either..

oh NO,what I am talking about..

I am speechless when It turns to My life..
I am blind when It turns to My hopes..
I am deaf when It turns to My inspiration..

oh NO,what I am babbling of..
I dont have any idea..

all can I see is a brick wall..
before,It is used to be a wide open doors with a lot of keys..
but now It is closed and there is seems like there is no doors..

all doors turns to a weary and odd walls..
all locks with missing and un-matched keys..
all windows closed tightly..
all bridge was corrupted and broken..

I am in the middle of the ride..
I dont know where to go..
I am lost in My inner heart..
all can I think right now is just break a neck of My inner heart..

I am going that far..
I try to catch It by a thunder..
but I still could not catch It..
even if I dont know who I am..

M . y . P . h . i . l . o . s . o . p . h . y

If You gonna treat Me nice..
I will treat You nice too..

If You ever try treat Me bad..
huh,I will treat You bad as well..

I will kept My promised..
If I'd never make a promise,dont ever make Me mad if You tell Me that I'd broke Your promised..
I will fullfilled My promised..
but I would never do it if I'd never promised You..

I will never pleased someone..
I will never try to get any attention..
for Me,if I wanna do..
I just do..
no need to talk loud and make people pround of Me..
huh,that is just no Me..

If I say NO..
I will never end up say YES..
huh,maybe that is just ME..
and who I am..

If You wanna hate Me..
I just hope that You will hate Me till I am dead..
You are honored to do so..
dont ever turns It back..
You can just hate Me..
I dont care..
oh,I really dont care..

stop ask Me to do something that I dont wanna do..
I hate It..

I . f . Y . o . u . S . i . c . k . K . a . y

My heart is really pain..
with IF YOU SICK KAY people around Me..
My heart is shrinking..
I try to cure It but It is seems to late..
It is useless..
It is doesnt working..

S . h . a . r . p . K . n . i . f . e

Even if my steps are sinking along with you..
Even if my hands are locked in handcuffs..
Just like my breath, I can't set it free..
Even though that cold breath has cut my heart..
Your tears have created rain..
I can't fall asleep at night..
I'll be the umbrella to stop that rain,
I'll cover the world like an eyepatch..

Sometimes my world is filled by this vicious love..
It sometimes even burns my heart
until it's black with infernal words..
Her lips are the door to heaven and kiss the hug of thorns..
Even the pain is sweet,the sweet disease, see, I'm not okay..

I'm falling deeper and deeper into You..

Fallin', caught in the trap with you..
Insane everytime I hear you callin' my name..
I'm putting it all into this game..
My brain is jumbled together in my empty heart..
I'm chain-smoking, coughin' and choking..
There's already hundreds of cups of black coffee..
I'm spinning around you while letting myself go..
Dangerously falling off the track with you..

It's like my heart is already burnt out..
I'm picking up ashes of my love like it's punishment..
My tired eyes, my easily thrown away dreams..
Regrets that are as bad as the flu, it's painful to breath..
I'm an isolated island confined within fog..
My head was filled with only you,
why have you left me ??
Where am I ??
No matter where I look,I'm standing here like an abandoned child..

Those words like a sharp knife
that stopped my tears and hardened my smile..
That look as cold as ice
that shattered my heart and froze my feet..

It seems you'll become the death of me..
I suffocate with you when I take in oxygen
But I just can't stop, don't let me go,play and hold onto me forever..

I'll run after you even when my legs are broken..
Running after shadows, even your darkness..
I'll become the shade that protects you
even when my body turns cold..
I can bear it all, even the nightmares..

Before Enter TORTURE CHAMBER

1. nak pergi sekolah..ambil majalah sekolah yang dah lame tergendala dalam perancangan~
2. nak selesaikan masalah pembikinan lesen P yang tak tahulah bila nak sudah..kalau boleh nak buat betul2 kali neyh~hehe!!=) semangat !!
3. nak fotostat semua sijil2..mungkin akan buat dalam beberapa salinan~
4. nak jumpa doktor gigi setiap hari jumaat..supaya cepat sket siap~
5. nak beli apa2 yang patut..emm,baldi??penyangkut baju??~Aiyaya,dah la baru 1st tyme!!haiz..tak tahu la~ xpe,tak perlu fikir sbb ade org laen yg perlu fikirkan pasal tu..hehe~
6. Saya mungkin akan selalu tutup telefon genggam Saya bila sudah masuk sana..haha~fokus!!
7. Semenjak dua menjak neyh..selalu kena minum air banyak~kehulu kehilir bawak botol air pink neyh !! ulser mulut yang sangat sakit..huhu~
8. Rindu Abang Saya..Abang Chapiq~=p
9. Untuk semua kawan2 Saya..maaf kalau Saya selalu tutup telefon genggam~ sudah menjadi habit !!
10.Nak pergi farmasi dan nak cari pencuci muka yang 3 dalam 1..hehe~=p nk berhenti pakai The Body Shop!!sangat leceh.. jadi,Dermalogica, Himalaya atau Clinique ??